A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Being at home by myself the last couple of weeks has given me lots of time to think. As a matter of fact, that's about all I've done. I think it's the anesthesia, but after I have surgery, it always takes me a while to get back into the swing of things - to want to do the things I've always enjoyed doing as well as the things I need to do. Anyway, I've been reflecting lately on the people and relationships in my life. One conclusion I've come to is that I'm not the kind of friend I'd like to be. I don't call people and keep in touch. I'm stand-offish, I think. Taciturn, even. I haven't been like this all my life. I used to like being around friends and family more. What makes me like this? I think about my friends and family often, but what prevents me from sharing time and conversation with them? I know friends and family wonder about that, too. If someone is having trouble, I can be depended on to be there with food, or help, or money. But, what about when things are going well for people? That's when I'm usually invisible. Does it come with age, this wanting to stay at home and hide? Or, is it due in some part to the huge family I'm a part of, a pulling away after years of being part of the hustle and bustle and strife that comes with having eleven younger brothers and sisters and all the in-laws, exes, nieces and nephews and two marriages and step-children and grandchildren? Or, is this one of the stages all people go through as they age? Do we shed people and relationships and prune our social lives to prepare ourselves for eventual loss? I don't have the answers, but there is a part of me that says I don't do enough to maintain relationships with those I care about. If you're one of those people, know this: I think about you often. I remember and cherish the times we spent together, good, bad, or ugly. I hope your life is good, and if it's not, I hurt for you and with you.